The Back Page: December 2012

We love our customers because sometimes they make us laugh.

[The following are selected excerpts from the No Sale blog, which logs situations where the customer was most definitely not right. Has anything like this ever happened at your counter? – Ed.]

The fine art of firing
a customer
(A friend of mine who manages a self-storage facility has a troublemaking customer that he has been trying to get rid of. One day, the customer comes up asking about a promotional offer.)

Customer: Hi, I saw on your website that you have storage for $100, but I’m paying $130.

Manager: Yeah, that’s a promotional rate.

Customer: Well, can I get that rate?

Manager: I can’t just change people’s rates. It’s only for new customers to that space.

Customer: Well, can I just move into that storage?

Manager: You can’t just move it from one storage to the other and get the new rate. You would have to have everything out because I can’t vacate it until it’s empty.
Customer: That’s fine. I’ll move this Saturday.

(The customer moves out the following Saturday, gets everything loaded into a truck then stops by the office.)

Customer: All right, I moved everything out of my storage.

Manager: That’s great. Now, get out.

Customer: What? Can I get that other storage?

Manager: Well, I looked at your past history with the company and you’ve been consistently late and rude to other customers. I’m afraid we’re going to deny the new rental. My manager wouldn’t let me evict you but you moved out yourself, so everything’s good.

Customer: But I have all my things taken off the property! Where am I going to put them?

Manager: Anywhere but here.

You can win the battle but lease the war
(This scene takes place in a video rental store just when DVDs are starting to replace VHS. A customer comes to the counter with a popular movie on VHS.)
Clerk: You know, sir, the rental costs $4.99 for a week, but we are selling previously rented copies of this movie for only $1.99.

Customer: That’s okay. I just want to rent it.

Clerk: But sir, it’s $3 cheaper if you buy it, and you won’t have to bring it back.
Customer: But I don’t want to keep it!

Clerk: Well, you could buy it and then throw it out after.

Customer: (impatiently) Look, I don’t want to buy anything. I just want to rent this movie!

Clerk: (gives up) Certainly, sir. That will be $5.14 with taxes. The movie is due back next Tuesday by midnight.

Customer: Great! Thanks!

Takes one to Jim Crow one
(I work at a movie rental store. Sometimes we have deaf customers. I know some conversational ASL and can usually communicate with the deaf community just fine. A woman and her daughter walk up with a note and place it on the counter and point to it repeatedly.)

Note: We are looking for two movies that came out last Tuesday.

Me: (in ASL) Hello, yes, what movies?

Customer: (to daughter) Why does he think I’m deaf?

Me: Oh, I’m sorry! Usually our deaf customers write notes to us.

Customer: That’s ridiculous! How dare you just assume I’m disabled! It’s ridiculous!

Me: I’m terribly sorry. May I ask why you gave me a note instead of asking me verbally?

Customer: You’re Asian! How was I supposed to know you knew my language?!