Editorial: February 2012

Remember, they are more frightened of you than you are of them.

Trade show booths are great places to see some of the most exotic fauna this fair land has to offer. See how many of these species you can spot at the Canadian Rental Mart and your regional shows this season.

Silent Glarer
Crouched unmoving in the depths of his booth, the Silent Glarer fixes his withering gaze on each hapless creature that wanders by, hoping to freeze his prey into immobility with the sheer ferocity of his malevolent stare. Making no attempt to lure prey closer or to disguise his intention to pounce, the Glarer may wait for days before some unwise attendee overcomes his instinct to flee and blunders into his pamphlet-lined trap.

Squawking Idlers
Never solitary, Squawking Idlers congregate in huge, noisy, intimidating crowds of five, 10 or more near the centre of large, well-appointed booths. So enthralled are they with their own loud internal conversations that they often completely fail to notice the presence of easy prey right in the same booth. Just what goes on in these raucous gatherings is a mystery to science, but it appears completely unrelated to any kind of business activity.

Big-Breasted Distraction
The natural beauty and eye-catching strutting and posing of the Big Breasted Distraction is always welcome; however, BBDs are so spectacularly showy that they tend to attract swarms of predators so intent on capturing the BBD itself that they neglect to hunt for their normal prey: good deals for their businesses. Once captured, conversation with the BBD often proves to be so unappetizing that the predator will usually head off elsewhere looking for a more nourishing meal. BBD numbers have fluctuated as a result of political climate change, but many booth owners have come to regard them as a pest, and their numbers may soon be in decline again.

The Phantom
Completely invisible, undetectable by scent or sound, the very existence of the Phantom is a matter for debate among trade show experts. The only evidence it leaves is its booths, which appear as if by magic, stand empty day after day, then vanish as quickly as they came. Some theorists suspect the Phantom has evolved beyond the need for normal business interactions, but others feel that if it is not already extinct, it soon will be.

Vibrating Noisemaker
The Vibrating Noisemaker seeks to subdue its prey with powerful waves of sound produced by an array of cunning devices on its booth. Its call can be a numbing continuous drone, a startling screech or whine, a sudden series of sharp bangs or some combination of all these. The sounds are repeated over and over throughout the show day until either darkness falls or the noisy device is smashed to flinders by enraged nearby exhibitors.

Bartending Hors d’oeuvre
The Bartending Hors d’oeuvre is one of the most beautiful and sought-after sights to be seen at any trade show. Partaking of its fermented beverages and sweet or salty nuggets of edible material, it is almost impossible not to smile when you enter the booth of this gregarious exhibitor. Sadly not as common as in the past, it is to be hoped that trade shows everywhere will encourage the proliferation of this most popular of show creatures.